photo credit: the seattle times
Today, while I was at lunch with my mother, sister, and aunt we were just chatting about random topics when suddenly my aunt mentioned in passing that Carrie Fisher had died. I stopped eating and stared at her in confusion. I couldn’t believe what she was saying and even denied her words, stating that it must be a hoax because I had seen on Twitter on Christmas day that her mother, Debbie Reynolds, had tweeted that she was stable. My aunt just shrugged and repeated that she had died. I refused to believe my aunts words and moved on from the topic. Then the moment I got home I turned on my laptop, brought up Google, searched Carrie Fisher’s name, and a bunch of articles confirming her death popped up. I stared in shock, numb not sure how to feel, how to react. I wanted to be heartbroken, but felt I didn’t deserve that right.
You see, I didn’t grow up on Star Wars, I saw all six movies for the first time this year, simply because I wanted to watch The Force Awakens. I found the movies to be enjoyable and I finally understood what all my friends all my life had been gushing about. Watching all seven movies, the thing that stood out to me the most were the female characters, especially Leia. I had heard of Carrie Fisher all my life, I knew she was Leia and had even seen her in other stuff, but it wasn’t until I watched the original trilogy did I fully grasp why so many people loved her character. Leia, to me, was the stand out of the original trilogy. She was the character that I quickly got attached to and the one who I cared the most about. I found myself wanting to know more about her and always wanted to see her on the screen as I continued watching the movies.
photo credit: hypable.com
When I finally made it to The Force Awakens, the film that had prompted me to watch the movies in the first place, my excitement over seeing what had happened to Leia after all these years was strong. Seeing the smart, brave, badass princess become General Organa made me smile so big. The princess had grown into an even more badass general, which was so fitting for her character and Carrie Fisher was just as great in the new film as she had been in the original trilogy.
photo credit: liveforfilm.com
Now, it wasn’t until I saw these movies that I started looking up more information on the cast, especially Carrie Fisher. I learned of her struggles, her triumphs, and how much she just embraced who she was. I found myself growing more fascinated with the women who had brought to life such an interesting character like Leia, that I wanted to know more. So, when I found out she wrote books, I got even more excited. I even asked for her newest book for Christmas and I did get it for Christmas.
photo credit: my instagram (britliz92)
Little did I know as I smiled down at the book when I unwrapped it that two days later she’d be gone.
The confusion I feel right now is strong because I do feel sad and I do mourn this women who technically I’ve only had in my life for maybe seven months, but I also feel like it’s not my right. I’m not like all the people I see on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or any other social media site. I didn’t grow up with Leia and Carrie Fisher. She wasn’t my childhood, she wasn’t my idol, or my crush. So where do I get the right to mourn her when I barely got to know her?
After spending the whole day contemplating this, I’ve decided that while my grief isn’t as strong as others, it’s justified. It’s okay for me to mourn her and since she’s new to my life, I can be there for my friends (in real life or online) who did have Carrie Fisher in their lives longer. I can be strong for them as they grieve their fallen princess because I understand.
So, all that’s left to say is may you rest in peace our fearless princess turned general. We will never forget you and will keep your legacy and message alive.
May the Force Be With You, Carrie Fisher.